


Et Causa Idiopathic

by inthissworld



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, College, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Medical School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23927287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthissworld/pseuds/inthissworld
Summary: Maybe love is just a chain of hormonal reactions.A little bit of Dopamine, A little bit of Serotonin, a tiny bit of Oxytocin.Or maybe a little bit more than that
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun & Kang Dongho | Baekho, Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho
Comments: 77
Kudos: 54





	1. The Hereditary Blood System

I always knew since the beginning of this journey I'll take for the next 6 to 7 years.

Just like that story of witches and magical creatures, there is that term too.

There is an unspoken rule about tier in our field.

Separating the normal and the special one.

Some going to have an easy route, because they're born from a doctor's family.

It doesn't matter if only one of their parents is a doctor. One is enough to make them get all the special treatment from our lecture.

In the movie, they call them pure-blood and half-blood. Born with both parents a witch and the child become a witch or born from one parent being a witch and the other is another type of creature but the child is a witch.

Just like here, in medical school, if you are born from a doctor, you are special.

It was written in the Hippocratic oath, to treat one another as they are our sibling. 

and the interpretation of that oath is to treat one another child as their own child.

And what about me?

I was born from a normal family. My dad is a salaryman and My mom is a housewife.

I'm not born to a privileged family. 

Me being an only child, we manage to get by.

Before my father falls ill.

A heavy smoker in his mid 40

Nasopharyngeal cancer with brain metastases. Terminal Stage.

Bunch of word that 12-years-old me can't understand.

I don't understand what " Do Not Resuscitate " mean when my mom signs the form.

I remember that scene in my head frame by frame, from my dad telling me to grow up and become the head of our family and protect mom. To the very last breath, he takes in the arms of my mother.

I also remember all the pain my mom needs to get through after the day my dad passed away.

How she needs to pay my dad hospital bill and still make sure I get the proper education that I need. 

How her behavior change and start to change into a different person.

How she blames the doctor. She blames the society of salarymen that make his father smoke more and more.

How she started to drink at the weekend and work her ass off on the weekday.

Until one day she breakdown when I have a red mark on my report card.

She starts to yell at me. Screaming that all the things she does up until now is useless.

She is desperate, with dept behind her back, strangling and sucking the life out of her.

I am the only hope she had left. For me to become successful. And have a future for myself.

So I work hard, so my mom can be happy, so my dad would be proud of me.

But life not full of rainbows and sunny days.

Alcohol has taken over my mom body, damaging it.

Cirrhosis hepatic.

Her body grows weaker each and every day.

One of the day, she needs to go to the doctor for her annual control, she saw a pediatrician smiling so warmly at a bunch of balding children.

I don't know why kids can go bald at that time. But my mom probably knows.

" _It is nice, isn't it? Minhyun ah? Helping others and making them smile. Being a Doctor is an amazing job._

_Ah, if only I have money to support you to go to Medical School._

_You know, Minhyun ah? I always wanted to become a doctor. But you know your mom situation is hard._

_But mom glad that mom can meet your dad. He is a nice person._

_Wouldn't it be nice if you become a doctor? I can die in peace._

_Knowing that you secure your future."  
  
_She said that as she stroke my hair gently.

It was the last nice memory I have with her.

Because after that point, my life going downhill.

I need to experience the loss of someone dear to me, when I still in my teenage year. Twice.

I don't know how I manage to stand on my own two feet up until now.

Maybe because that one moment before my mom passed away,

The doctor who tried to explain what happens to my mom that night, how I understand "Do Not Resuscitate" form mean.

And how hard it is to sign that up.

With a gentle smile and speaking tone, the doctor tries to comfort me.

With a simple, easy to understand explanation n yet it seem deep and full of meaning.

I understand multiple organ failure.

My mom will be gone soon. 

But because of that doctor, I understand.

I learn to let go, and decide that when I grew up, I'm gonna be just like him.

Having the ability to comfort someone who is losing someone.

Being able to help the one in need with skill and knowledge.

Maybe I was too naive.

Working my ass off so I can get into one of the best medical schools here in my country.

I thought life would be a little bit better.

But medical school is a literal hell in this mere human world.

Especially for a mud-blood like me.

Born from a non-doctor family.

a mud-blood both in the witch movie and in the real world, get treated differently from the others.

Being not prioritize when it comes to additional class.

Not getting any answer for question you ask.

Need to work extra hours because of all the revision for the final mini-thesis.

It was a literal hell.

But I've been through worst.

So I graduate with a Cum Laude.

{Cum Laude is the term used if you get the final total Score in College above 3.51 when the maximal is 4.0 . It's a Latin phrases used in some colleges and universities to indicate the level of distinction with which an academic degree has been earned. }

Standing as the youngest graduate at my year with the highest mark.

Getting a medal of recognition as my mini-thesis is published in a journaling website.

I was the brightest student.

Ah, you think my story end there?

No.

The pre-clinical stage of medical school is only the tip of the iceberg.

The tutorial.

All the A's I got, All my achievement. It was good for nothing.

When the pre-clinical stage is a literal hell.

Clinical stage of medical school is on the satanic level of hell.

You can see your best friend turn into your worst enemy, backstabbing you, leaving you behind.

You need to survive alone, with a night shift and a large amount of case reports and presentations.

And the clinical stage is where you can feel the difference between pure-blood and mud-blood.

And I am a mud-blooded medical student.

* * *

People always see me as a prodigy.

Born from the best oncologist surgeon and the best internist in my city, I must be a genius.

Reading anatomy books and understanding the pathophysiology of infection, I must be a gifted child right?

Everybody start to build expectation from you.

I must be the #1 student in school, I must always get straight A's

I always to fulfill everyone expectations. Because I can, and I get all the facility to get all the straight A's.

I always get the best education, get into the best private school and learning in bilingual class.

And I never complain.

I just feel like, that's normal. This is how life suppose to be.

Before I realize, My Mom and My Dad was never there. Never. For me.

When I get the gold medal on Science National Olympic, when everyone else taking a photo with their parents.

Getting praise from their friend.

I felt an emptiness inside my heart for the first time.

"Mister Park, when will mom and dad come home? I want them to see my trophy."

I ask the head butler Mr.Park.

"Soon, Young Master. It's better for you to sleep for now. You can tell them in the morning."

"But they always leave early, I don't even remember the last time we eat breakfast together."

And that's when I see my mom coming from the living room.

I rushed to her and hug her.

I didn't see how tired she is, I just want her to appreciate my achievement.

But of course, She didn't look as proud as the other parents.

Her eyes just look dead tired. and nothing more.

No excitement, No hint of sparks of care there.

That's when I start to think that, What good all my achievements for?

Should I achieve more stuff? Or should I just throw it all away?

And you know what happens?

I turn into a rebellious child.

Just to get my parents attention. Just so they will look at me.

Since achievement didn't work.

I try piercing, bleach my hair, skipping class.

I try so many things. But my parent still didn't give me any attention.

They are too busy saving other people. But not caring about their own child.

When I was 12, I tried to ask my dad to spend some time with me, just for a simple dinner, celebrating my birthday. I didn't ask for a present. I ask for him. Since mom is abroad because of some internist international meeting or something like that.

And it surprises me when he agrees to it with a condit.ion. I color my hair back to black and put off my earing.

So I did.

I was so excited when I know my dad making reservation to an Italian restaurant.

One of my favorite cuisine. I was so happy that he remembers how I gulp down my spaghetti when I was a child.

But, when duty calls, duty calls. Even when he only finish half of his food.

"Dongho, I'm sorry. It's a _CITO_."

{ **Cíto** is the ablative to *citus* and means "quick(ly)" in Latin in an adverbial context. The term was widely used in German Medicalese to express urgency/need to be done fast.}

"I'm coming with you dad."

And since it's an emergency my Dad just let me. Since he has no time.

When we arrive at the hospital, I just sit in front of the Central Surgery Installation.

Besides me, there is a boy sitting alone. Probably is the same age as me.-

He turn his head and look at me and give me a warm gentle smile.

A pure smile that I haven't seen in a while.

"You waiting for someone?"

He asked.

"Yeah, My father doing a surgery," I answer shortly.

"Your father is a doctor?" And I answer him with a nod.

"Cool. My father getting surgery. Is your dad giving surgery to my dad?"

"Probably."

"I hope your Dad good then."

"He is good, the best here in the city."

We start to talk until we fall asleep.

When my dad waking me up, and taking me back home. I saw that boy I was talking to is inside a hug of an elder woman, I assume she is his mom. And that warm gentle smile is out of my sight.

"Dad, did your surgery went well?"

"You know son, sometimes we try our best to save someone, but sometimes knowledge, skill, and effort wasn't enough. And in this case, yes. He is beyond saving by now."

And that was for the first time I saw some emotion from my father eyes. Sadness

I think I can understand a little bit of my parent's point of view now.

"It is hard right dad? I didn't think I want to become a doctor."

I said that as soon as I arrive at home.

But as soon as I finish that statement, I feel a burning sensation on my cheeks.

"You are born as my child. From the best surgeon in this city, from the best internist in this city. All the things you get until now it's thanks to us.

Being a doctor is a must for you.

It is a prestigious job and you will continue our legacy as the doctor family. You will not understand it now, but eventually you will be thankful you were born as my child.

Don't you ever said something like don't want to become a doctor in front of my face ever again."

And from that time forwards, My heart can't feel anything anymore.

Since my future, my life is not mine. But my parent's.

I'm just an object. Not something that created because of love.

I was born as a child from a doctor family.

My dad is the best oncology surgeon in my city and my mom is the best internist in my city.

My future has been decided since I was born.

I was listed as a student in the best medical school in the country without any effort.

I get easy A because of my parents status.

I do understand now, why my father says that I will be thankful for being born as his child. 

Since the stupid Hippocratic oath said that to treat all doctors the same as their own siblings.

So, I do get a lot of privileges.

I don't need to think a lot, since I already know what we going to learn in college.

The pre-clinical stage is easy.

All the lecturers respect me and treat me like their own child.

I graduate with a Cum Laude, even though I'm not the best in my class.

I still easily graduate.

And Clinical stage is my literal heaven.

Everyone respects me and no one dares to tell me off.

With the power that my parents hold because of their reputation.

It doesn't matter how many times I make a mistake or not there when my night shift is.

I always forgiven. 

Because I am a pure-blooded medical student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be using medical terms a lot.  
> If you guys confuse / i forget to explain it,  
> Let me know!! Thanks <3
> 
> ps. Forgive my broken grammar


	2. Day One part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they met.  
> Two-person from two different backgrounds.

I don't know where do I need to start to explain what happen today.  
My first day of the clinical stage of my medical school.  
I wake up at 5 a.m. because my first department is Surgery.  
We need to present ourselves at the hospital at 6 a.m. sharp.  
Checking how I look for the last time in the mirror, before walking to General Hospital where I will be spending the next 2 years in.  
Being the GP trainee, which means I'm going to be at the bottom of the food chain.  
Being a slave.

But I don't really mind it, because finally I can meet a real patient.  
Not fake one that the university pay to act just for the Objective Structural Clinical Examination every semester that I need to pass.  
I want to know what it feels like to do a real palpation of a tumor, or inject the medicine, or maybe just putting in an IV line to a real patient. Not a mannequin that we used back then.

I am the first one to arrive at our meeting point.  
The agenda is to have a visit around the hospital, making sure the surgery program for each patient, checking post-operated patients, and make sure all the patient get their medicine and pre-operation drug.

6.00 a.m. most of us the GP trainee already arrive and waiting for the residence plus surgery department staff to arrive.  
Only one person is missing.  
Kang Dongho.  
That pure-blooded asshole.  
He has a bad reputation, to begin with, so I must not be surprised at this point.  
I reach my pocket to get my phone and go to the group chat that we made last night so we can communicate better and giving each other information about how things going to work today.  
I don't even save his number, as I press call.

 _.. beep. beep.. beep.._  
  
After a few more beeping sound, my call when straight to voicemail.  
I try to call again.  
This time he rejects the call.  
This bastard.

So I click his number again, but this time I try to message him instead of calling him.

_"Hey, Kang Dongho where are you?"_

6.10 a.m.  
Still no sign of this so-called Kang Dongho  
I took my phone again to try to call him one more time before a sound shock me.

"You better not to try to call me again, If you want to have a peaceful surgery department."

I look up to see who is talking.  
His face was too close, just a few centimeters away from mine.

"And you better come in time tomorrow and the day after."

Everyone shocked at how I respond to Dongho.  
And he just gives me a small devilish smirk.  
Right after that, we start the visit as Prof. Kang and the Soon-to-be Surgeon is arrive.

After walking around almost a full hospital from room to room.  
We arrive at one pre-operation patient with Prostate Cancer.  
"Son, would you like to try Rectal and Prostate Examination for this patient?"  
Prof. Kang asking Dongho to try and give a pack of sterile glove to him with examination gel.  
He looked annoyed.

"Hey, Hwang you said you want to try right? Here take this.  
It's okay right, Dad? My friend wants to try it. I can get plenty of chances since I can just ask you."  
He smile.  
As Dongho throws the stuff he just receive from Prof. Kang to me.

Son? Dad? Prof. Kang. Kang Dongho.   
Ah so, Prof. Kang is Dongho father.

I stare in full confusion as I process the information that in fact Prof. Kang is Dongho's father. That explains why he warn me earlier to not annoy him.   
Pure-blooded bastard.

I don't mind blood, I don't mind screaming, But one thing I dislike in this field is I need to check disgusting stuff.  
Like feces, and unsanitary organ, like Rectal.  
But I don't want this asshole to look down on me and feel like he won.  
So I wear the sterile glove, and pour the gel in my middle finger.  
I ask for permission from Prof. Kang as he nods, and after the patient gives me permission to do the examination. I start to put my finger inside the patient. Try to find his prostate and start to do the palpation technique. Identifying what grade is this patient cancer is as I can feel the top part of his prostate is flat which means his prostate grows bigger and the consistency of it is hard.

As I pull my finger out, and see feces and blood in my gloves. I report everything that I found. From the Anus Muscle Reflect, Prostate condition including the grading and the condition of Rectum-Anal Junction. And Prof. Kang looks pleased.  
I throw my gloves and wash my hand as I throw a sight to Dongho who eyes are following me.  
I give him a winning smirk.

Hwang Minhyun 1, Kang Dongho 0.


	3. Day One part 2

That's what I thought.  
The day has just been started.  
The next thing I know is I ended up with Kang Dongho as my partner for the next 8 weeks.  
A whole two months.  
As the Surgery Departement secretary giving us instructions for what we need to do. I saw Dongho not giving a damn for it, and just play with his friend.  
But nobody tries to bother him, because they know what he capable of, seeing how I already taste a little bit of it.  
Not anybody wants to stick their finger inside someone ass.  
And I guess he is the one who asks the secretary to put us together.  
She gave us a logbook to write our daily activity and a score form for our final test for the surgery department.  
And surprise, surprise, Dongho give me his and say "I didn't bring any bag with me, you bring this since you bring a huge bag."  
He left the room as soon as the short orientation is over.

"Kang Dongho, where are you going?" I manage to grab his arm before he run somewhere I don't know.

"Somewhere."

"We need to go to the Surgery Room as an observer. I'm not letting you go anywhere else other than the Surgery Room."  
I squish his arm.

"Look, Hwang, You know your place before something you didn't want to happen, well... happen to you, you better stop dragging me."

"No, you listen to me!" As I drag him down the emergency stair and push him to the wall.   
Since he was smaller than me, he just stuck there.

"I don't care who you are, or where you come from. Who is your parent is and what is their position here in this hospital! You and I are partners now, and we need to be in the Surgery Room either you like it or not. You are coming with me."

He let out a growl and try to push me, but I manage to hold him in place. Tightening my grab and push him more to the wall. I gave him my most frightening gaze before he said.

"You f*ckers!"

"I only take a 'yes', Kang Dongho."

"FINE! LET MY HAND GO NOW!"

I'm smart enough to not let one of his hand go and drag him all the way until we reach the front door of the Central Surgery Room.  
The sight of it makes me remember the night when my Dad passed away. I was waiting outside, and there's one other boy sitting beside me.  
I was frozen. Where should we enter?  
I look at Dongho with a confused look. And I just continued to drag him to one door that has 'staff only' sign.  
Before He stopped me.

"Are you stupid? That's for staff only. Well, I can go in from there. But not you."

"why?"

"You know who my Dad is right? Or you have short term amnesia? Here, we enter from here. You never go inside a Surgery Room before, right? Honestly, It's a pain in the ass, just like you."

With his lead, we enter the changing room, he goes to one of the cupboards and took out two sets of Green Operation Gown. Gave one set to me and start changing. I was still processing all of it when suddenly his naked top is in front of me. I don't know what kind of demon, possessed me that time. I just keep staring at how his Rectus Abdominis Muscle is toned. How his Scapula Bone is nicely shown, his Pectoralis major is also toned and has a star tattoo on the right side and words I don't know on the left side. His skin is glowing and my brain is malfunctioning because of the body that I witness.

"What you looking at?"

His sudden question wake me up.

"Nothing."

I rush my changing and follow him through another door.  
We enter a huge room with a lot of doors on right and left side.  
I follow him inside one door. And I see Prof. Kang is preparing for an operation.

"It's rare to see you here."

"My friend forced me to go here."

And Prof. Kang moves his attention to me. I bow a little to show my respect. And he nod answering my bow.

"I see you made a good friend."

After he said that, Prof. Kang starts to wear his Surgery Apron and Handscoen. 

"Time out!*" And they start to check the surgery operator, the nurse, the anesthesia assistant, and the patient name.  
And then the surgery begins.  
It was my first time joining a real surgery, seeing the scalpel going through the skin, and how they get rid of the tumor inside of the patient body. It was fascinating for me.  
I lean my body forward and almost fall, if it's no thanks to Dongho that held me.  
"You can go near the operation table just don't bother them. No need to lean that far."   
And I do as Dongho said.

The Surgery lasts for 4 hours long.

And by the time it's over, it was 3 p.m. already.  
As I exchange the surgery gown to my clothing Dongho suddenly speaks to me.

"I never knew someone would look that excited over an Ovarian Tumor Extraction. It was boring. And I waste 4 hours."

"It was my first time seeing a surgery even entering the surgery room."

"I guess your parent isn't a doctor then?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Since we going to be partner, you should really behave yourself."  
His hand started to push me to the wall since no one is here in the changing room. His bare skin touch my bare chest. And it sends chills down my spine. My mind just went blank.  
What's happening to my body? Why can't I move from a little skin to skin contact with an ass hole?  
But again an unexpected event happen. Dongho stomach growling and it saved me from going insane from a little skin contact with him.  
I know I'm a bit different since I like men. But I don't know that my body will literally freeze from a skin contact.   
I admit that he has a nice body and a face that I would go crazy for if only he wasn't such an asshole.

I rush putting on my clothes and just randomly ask him.

"Want to grab some lunch?"

I see a sudden change of Dongho expression. Shock, Confuse, a little bit of disbelief but he still nods and agrees to it.   
We exit the Surgery room but when we step outside we go to a different way. I was going to the cafeteria and he walks to a path leading to the parking lot.

"Where are you planning to eat Dongho?"

"McDonalds."

"I don't eat junk food."

"You are no fun. I'm not eating in the cafeteria either."

"Fine, you go eat alone then."  
As I turn away from him continue my walk to the cafeteria.  
And now, Dongho grabs my hand and drags me away from the cafeteria. He forces me into his car.   
I'm too tired at this point to fight against him. Fighting against his stubbornness is a lot of work and I literally out of fuel right now. I just want to eat.  
He enter the car and drive away, exiting the hospital and drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Time Out: it's the term that use before the doctor starts a surgery. To check the identity of the patient, the side that going to get the surgery, the nurse and anesthetic team, also pray before starting the surgery


	4. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it just a simple lunch?  
> But?  
> What?

Silence is filling the car up.  
I don't want to talk and I think so does Dongho.  
He drives, and drives for more than 15 minutes, before he finally stops in front of a fancy cafe.  
He parked his car and take off his safety belt.

"Let's go"

"Dongho, I told you that I'm not going to eat junk food."

"We are not. They cook real food here."

I saw the cafe sign that says '100% organic'. But still, even if they serve organic food, I have another problem to think.   
I don't think I can afford a meal here. The cafe looks really fancy.

"Look, Kang Dongho, You may be able to eat whatever you want, whenever you can. But I'm not you. I'm sorry, I prefer less fancy restaurants. You have money to spend, but I don't"

He looks stunned by my words. But I just stating the truth. Leaving alone, I need to manage my money wisely. Paying bills and managing my money for food. I sometimes treat myself with good meat that I will cook alone in my rented room. That's enough for me.  
Remembering the last time I eat out was with my Mom, celebrating me getting into top High School.  
I hear Dongho took a deep breath before finally speaks to me again.

"Okay, Mr. Hwang Minhyun, What kind of food do you want then? I'm hungry."

I try to think of something. But none come to my mind. I'm not even hungry anymore at this point, I just want to come home and lay on my bed. And that's when I remember I have some ingredients back in my room and I can cook a decent meal without needing to spend any money.

"How about going to my rented room and I can cook for you?"

"You can cook?"  
Again, his facial expression change. How can an asshole have such an innocent expression? With a big puppy eyes, he looks kind of excited?  
I gave him a questioning look and then his expression change again into being an asshole.

"Fine, you better cook good food, or I'm going to make your clinical stage a hell."

I gave him direction to my rented room, and when we arrive he again, making a different facial expression. Now, confuse and excited? I don't even know anymore.

"let's go inside."

"You live here?"

"Yeah, why? It is small but it's practical and simple."

As we enter my one room, it might just be a 6m x 6m cube room. But it has everything, bathroom, bedroom, even a little kitchen in the corner and a functioning sink. I ask Dongho to sit on a small desk I have near the kitchen area.

" I don't have a proper dining table, but since you agree to eat here, we can use this small desk to eat. You wait here while I cook"

I start to shift my concentration to cooking. Hopefully he will like a simple homecooked meal. Black pepper sauced chicken, Veggie soup, and I also add fried tofu and shrimp, because I've been wanting to eat fried tofu and shrimp since yesterday so why not. I look towards Dongho, who is magically silent and not complaining. It took me around an hour to finish, it can also count as dinner at this point.  
I serve the food I cook in front of him. And again, this Dongho guy has a lot of facial expressions. He looks like a child that happy seeing all this food, even if it's only a simple home-cooked meal.

"You cook all this? Probably why you took a long long time to prepare. I almost got GERD* just waiting for you to finish."

"Just eat, and stop complaining."

And we start eating our lunch-dinner meal.   
Just like a person who didn't get to eat for a week, Dongho literally swallow everything. He keeps feeling his mouth with rice, chicken, and veggies. But he didn't touch the shrimp at all.

"You have allergies?"

"Yeah, I can't eat shrimp."

"Ah, I'm sorry, I should've asked before cooking"

"I guess I should forgive you since your cooking is nice. Better than what the maid serve me in my house."

"You have maids?"

He nods and just keeps stuffing his mouth with my cooking.  
He eats it like it was come out from five-starred restaurant.  
It gives me a warm feeling inside my heart.  
How long it has been since the last time I share a meal with someone?  
I usually just a lone wolf, eating alone, studying alone, trying to survive alone.  
But a little change every now and then wouldn't hurt right?  
As my thumb move and clean the mess he cause, black pepper sauce smeared almost until his cheeks. I swipe my thumb from the corner of his lips until near his cheeks, and when I'm done cleaning it, I lick my thumb. Just like what my mom used to do, when I'm eating messily.  
I don't think much of it, but my action probably has an effect on Dongho because he sits still and stops eating.

"You should finish your food, and eat slowly or the sauce going to be all over your face."

* * *

_Minhyun - > Dongho_

I don't know why I agree with this guy.  
I am starving, and this guy declining to eat at the cafe I choose.  
He'll get what he deserves, If his cooking is bad, I'm just going to go on rampage mode inside his house.

So I follow his direction and just find my car going to the hospital direction again.  
This man is the only person who dares to say no to me, force me to go to the boring surgery room, on top of that he dragged me all the way that after pushing me to the wall, now he made me drive back to the hospital again,  
I want to get mad but with an empty stomach, I don't think I have energy.  
As my car stop in front of a three-floored building.

His room isn't that big. How can he live in such a mini space?  
His life is 180 degrees opposite of mine.  
In this small cubicle room, he manages to survive all this year of medical school.  
As my eyes scanning across the room, no photo is hanging on the wall, just the letter of appreciation as the highest GPA from University.  
He asked me to sit on a small desk near his kitchen, and he start cooking.   
Staring at his back, I never experience something like this before.  
I have friends, but most of them are either want something from me, or just my drinking buddies.  
This guy, If he agrees to eat with me in that restaurant, I would pay for him, instead he asked me to eat in his house instead.  
He's too focus on cooking, and I don't want to bother him.  
Is this the feeling when you're hungry and someone is cooking something for you?  
Something that I never experience before.  
Why am I being overly emotional over a simple lunch?

He serve the food in front of me.  
A simple homecooked meal. Not fancy like the one the maid served in my house.  
I took my first bite and took another one, and another.  
I can't stop.  
It doesn't have the best presentation or even taste. But, It has something that I never taste.  
Feelings? The way it cooked carefully, by someone for someone.  
Why I get sentimental over a simple lunch?  
Maybe because it's the first time someone actually ask me to eat with them without any intention but just to eat lunch.  
Maybe because it's the first time I eat at someone home, a friend home.  
Should I count him as my friend?  
I don't know.  
I just keep stuffing my mouth and my stomach.  
I couldn't stop.  
It's warm. Heartwarming.

And my mind went blank when he suddenly put his thumb and start wiping the corner of my mouth. And I can see a little black pepper sauce on his thumb and he just lick it.  
As if it was nothing.

"You should finish your food, and eat slowly or the sauce going to be all over your face."

How dare he?  
But for the first time in forever.  
My heart beating faster than usual. I feel all the veins and arteries in my face vasodilating*, and I think at this point I get tachycardia*.  
How can a man like him who annoy me this morning can make my heart beat like crazy now?

"Thank you for the food."

"I can see that you enjoy my cooking a lot."

"I was just really hungry, that's all."

"Okay, big guy."

He starts taking the empty plate and go to the sink.  
Should I over a help?  
What the f* am I even thinking?

"You need help?"

"No, I don't think you ever done dishes before."

"Fine then. Whatever. I'll take my leave now then."

I walk out of his room, just like that.  
Go to my car and start driving away.

Hwang Minhyun.  
How can a person make me feels a lot of emotion in not even 24 hours?  
Probably he wants something from me because 2 months from now, we are going to be a partner.  
He must be, wasn't he? Yeah, that must be it.  
Even if my heart tells me his eye showing only earnest, welcoming me inside his room. Taking care of my messy eating.  
He must have an ulterior motive.  
I made him do a rectal examination on the first day, and he is a smart-ass.  
Probably he just bribing me with food.  
Playing nice while probably I'm just an object to for him.  
Object for success.  
Just like the other.  
Fake.

I don't trust him.

Dongho turn his car and move to a bar, the one he always go to ease his mind.  
He order the usual one, one drink won't hurt him.  
He just needs something to distract him from thinking of Hwang Minhyun.  
A guy he just has a contact with today.  
But make him feels more feeling than the 21 years he lived.  
  
One more drink won't hurt.

Just one more.

One more.

One more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GERD: Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease, basically your gastric acid is going up to your esophagus because you eat late. The result of chronic gastritis.   
> Another symptom is heart-burn  
> *Vasolidatation: a term that used when your blood vessel us dilating and can make the reddish color on your skin. basically the medic way of saying flushing~  
> *Tachycardia: When your heart beats faster than usual. more than 100 bpm. 
> 
> Sorry for using a lot of med term. I just felt like it.  
> This story felt so close to me than the previous one.   
> P.S. PLEASE DONT SELF DIAGNOSE READING THIS FICTION, you can ask me about it, But please no self-diagnose hahahaha


	5. Intoxicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one who never felt warm  
> and  
> The one who is warm

_Kang Dongho - > Hwang Minhyun_

Who in their right mind knocking on my door at 2 in the morning?  
I was in the middle of my sleep.  
My head hurt since I only get 2 hours of sleep, since we need to make a report of today case that we get in the surgery room.  
I try to contact Dongho, but got no reply, as I expected when I got paired with him. All the tasks they give will be done by me alone.

I drag my body to the door and open it, just to find a person called Kang Dongho smelling like alcohol and almost passing out.

"Kang Dongho what are you doing here?"

"You, You must want something from me right? Because my dad is a professor. Don't act nice to me. Don't ask me out for lunch and cook me something nice, I know in the end you will go after getting an A on Surgery Departement right? Just like everyone else. You don't see me as a person, just an object."

I was confused by his confession. And a sudden puke that he let out in front of my door.

"KANG DONGHO!"

And his body start to fall, I manage to catch him and get my sleeping attire a little puke.

"GODDAMMIT KANG DONGHO, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?"

With the size of his body compare to mine, even if he is shorter than me, he still has a bulk body.   
I manage to get him inside my bathroom. Sit him down on the toilet seat, hopefully he won't fall  
Should I take his clothes off? There are puke here and there.   
Screw it!   
I run myself to my room and try to find a large size t-shirt and shorts that will fit him.  
Going back to the bathroom while he still unconscious on top of my toilet.

I start to take his shirt off, the one he uses today. Did he even going home after having lunch with me?  
This guy is such a pain in the ass to deal with.  
I want to shower him with cold water, just so he could wake up from his drunkness.  
My brain couldn't comprehend someone would go drinking at a working night.   
I took some tissue and start wiping the puke away from his body.  
His body is really nice, even when it's the third time of seeing it.  
My hand starts to explore around the start tattoo on his right chest.

"What you give, is what you get."

How cliche.  
I pull off his pants and get a full view of the pureblood medical trainee.  
He has a majestic body, and I can't lie he has a really cute face.  
Especially when he just unconscious inside my small bathroom.  
My instinct take over me as I lean closer and closer to his face.  
Take a detailed look at every single aspect of his face.

" I don't understand you at all Kang Dongho, but when you are hopeless like this. I can't lie, you're cute. "

I dress him and drag him to my bed, clean up the mess in front of my door. I go back to my room.  
I don't think much about sharing a bed with him.  
I'm too tired to deal with more emotion.  
Set my alarm, and go back to sleep.

* * *

_Hwang Minhyun - > Kang Dongho_

I wake up to an unfamiliar alarm ringtone.  
unfamiliar bed.  
unfamiliar ceiling.  
But a familiar figure beside me.

"Why the hell I sleep with Hwang Minhyun? ARGH!"

A sudden headache attack me.  
I blame all the alcohol I drunk last night. I went overboard because of a simple lunch with this person who sleeps peacefully beside me.  
And how can he peacefully sleep like that beside me?  
My body feel a sudden move from Minhyun startled me.  
His arm now loosely places around my waist.

"Get off me!"

I try to move his hands away just to make him squish it more tightly.  
I want to fight and try to move his hands away again, but my headache just getting worse and worse.

"f#$%!!!!!"

My body give up and I close my eyes again.  
If only I don't have this effect of drinking. I'll be throwing Hwang across the room.

Half conscious mind is a dangerous state of consciousness.  
Because your mind can wander to a place you don't realize is there inside your brain.  
Like how warm and nice it is inside Minhyun arms, even when at first it annoys me so much.  
Warm.  
I like this feeling.  
Warm and Safe.  
As I slowly going to sleep mode again.  
Forgetting about the fact that I sleep inside someone I just knew arms.

* * *

_I was there waiting for my Dad_

_With someone beside me_

_A little boy who also wait for his Dad_

_in front of the surgery room_

_"Are you sleepy? It's getting late" I asked._

_"Not yet."_

_"I'm sleepy."_   
  
_"You could sleep, I'll wake you up when someone look for you."_

_"Thanks a lot.. umm tell me your name."_

_"You can call me ..... ......."_

_I fell asleep._

_It's warm, comfy, I don't want to wake up._

_I want to stay asleep like this._

_It didn't felt like a cold surgery waiting room chair._

_It felt warm._

_"Kang Dongho, wake up or we're going to be late!"_

_Hmm?_

_Why this boy know my name, I didn't tell my name yet._

_"Kang Dongho!!"_

*BUGH*

That's when I wake up.

To an unfamiliar bed.

unfamiliar ceiling.

But a familiar figure who throws a pillow at me.

Waking me up from my dream.

"Wake up and take a bath, I'm not coming late on the second day of my clinical rotation!"

Hwang Minhyun

He is annoying.

But he's also warm.

The kind of warm I never felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for short update whoops~


	6. A Messy Morning

_Hwang Minhyun POV_

This is not the typical morning i want to spent.  
Especially after the lack of sleep i got last night, thanks to this man who is right now enjoying his breakfast.  
He always eat like he never eat before.  
Not to say that it’s a bad thing, since I’m happy seeing someone enjoying my cooking. Even if it’s only a simple omu-rice.   
But watching him eating it, I just felt happy.

“Eat slowly, I won’t help you if you chocked yourself.”

He give me an odd look, and he sigh. Slowing the pace he took in the food.  
I smile and continue to finish my part of breakfast too.  
I guess letting him in wasn’t a bad idea after all.

Another thing I can’t believe to witness and experience this morning is the after shower look he had.  
He just casually ask for towel and an exchange clothes.  
Just like he live here with me.  
His half dry skin, His tattoo, His body.  
It’s really not a healthy way to start my morning.  
As I can’t stop thinking about his toned muscle and the tattoos he have.  
As he finish his breakfast and I took our plate and wash it.  
A question slipped out of my mind.

“So you have a few tattoos?”

“Yeah, Are you going to judge me?”

“Not really, It just that on the orientation we already been warned to protect our image as doctor. Since, we need people to trust us, and having a clean and professional look. We even can’t color our hair.”

“So what? I have them on the part of my body who the patient will not see? And why did you care?”

“I was just curious. Someone like you, having everything not like me. You probably have your own reason. I don’t know, We just , you know, met? But I find you as a very interesting individual.”

I reach out to a drawer where I keep my medicine stock in, and give him a glass of water plus an aspirin. I saw a bit of red on his cheeks

“But I don’t agree with you getting drunk on a working night. You might end up on the street and who in the world know what will happen then.”

“Don’t talk like you actually care.”

He said that but still taking in the aspirin i gave him. What a confusing individual.  
I understand He might have reason but still getting drunk is questionable. I was curious about the meaning behind his tattoo but I restrain myself for asking him.  
Didn’t want him to feel I really care when I actually a little bit care for him. But he’ll only find it questionable and just going to drag about me acting like I care which is quite annoying me now.  
But one thing I really want to make sure..

“So what’s about you and your trust issues big boy? You come into my door, drunk, and rambling about trust and people taking advantage of you? Do you think...”

I can’t finish my sentence as him pulling my shirt and push me to the sink.

“You better shut your mouth and forget all of it. If you still want to be a doctor.”

I push his hand away.

“ You might be a son of someone. And I’m probably nobody. But, let me tell you one thing Kang Dongho. You can do whatever you want in this world and try to take me down with your privilage as someone. But it will not stop me pursuing my dream.   
If being a doctor not your passion, You’re the one who should stop. You will not take me down.  
Try it. I’m ready.   
I was just trying to be nice since I know that you might feeling bad because of the side effect of the alcohol you might feel.  
It’s not wrong as a person to help someone, because people to have feeling and symphaty.  
You should just try to learn accepting someone kindness.  
Not everyone want something from you. At least not me.”

I point my finger and tap his chest.  
And he took a step back.

“If you are done. We’re leaving now. Here’s the report we need to give today.  
Next time, you’re drunk make sure you don’t end up on my door. Because I’m done helping you.”

I say it to him as he stared blankly at me.  
I take my bag and walks towards the door, trying to leave.  
But his hand stop me.

He pull my sleeve. And I hear him whisper “I’m sorry”  
I can hear the sincere in his voice.  
And I just nod.  
Getting angry at your 2 months partner will only cost me more trouble.

“You are really unpredictable. Come let’s leave.”

I try to leave again, and he pull me again.  
But this time he pull me to his embrace.  
He look up and with one hand he pull me into a kiss.

And my brain just stop working.  
Drown into his lips.  
As I close my eyes, and let his lips took over mine.  
As my arms let go of the bag I held and wrap it around his neck.

The kiss was short.  
But I can sense his loneliness.  
Trying to find warmth.

The next thing I did is picking up  
my bag and leave my house.  
Leaving him inside.

I can understand the anatomy of human body, up until the pathophysiology of epileptic seizure of new-born infant.  
But I know for sure , I can’t understand Kang Dongho.


	7. Anatomy of his Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His Face anatomy, it's perfect.

_Kang Dongho POV_

I messed up big time, didn’t I?  
I think the effect of the alcohol I drink last night haven’t stopped yet.  
Why did I get the urge to kiss him so badly?  
And my stupid body just react and kiss him.

Now he left me inside his house, alone.  
I don’t feel like going to the hospital right now.  
I can’t face him.  
No.

“Kang Dongho, We’re going to be late!!”  
I heard a scream from the outside.  
I don’t really feel like coming out.  
If I go out now, It must mean I need to face him the whole day, and I wasn’t ready for it.  
He come back in, and look at me with confusion.

“You need to move, we’re going to be late and I don’t want that.  
At least listen to me for once.   
I’ll pretend like none of this morning and last night happen.  
For exchange you need to move and go now.  
Please.”

I took a deep breath and move.  
It hurt a little bit.  
It was my first ever kiss.  
Like a genuine one.  
I’ve kiss boys and also girls before.  
To let my stress out.  
And I didn’t think too much about it.  
But that short kiss just now, I feel like my heart squishing and there’s a genuine feeling behind it.  
The feelings, I never felt before.  
When, he said he wants to forget it. It hurt.

But I decide to move along.  
Walk beside him until we reach the hospital.  
We got assign to the post-operation room. Checking patient and writing the medical record.  
I don’t like this kind of work, once I become a doctor, others will fill this kind of form for me.  
But for the attempt to forget and distract myself from what happened this morning.  
Meanwhile, that guy didn’t even break a sweat.  
He’s just too professional and not let that kiss bother him at all.  
He act like he didn’t care at all.  
Which is hurt.

“You done?”  
He asks me with a sharp and calm tone he always has.

“Just a little bit more, One patient left. The one from Bed A-11. Need to write today prescription for him.”

“Let me help. If we can finish this faster, we can go home faster too.”

“Thanks”

He gives me a little smile.  
And something about his smile stops my heartbeat for a split second. I give him the medical record and continue to finish my task.  
It’s not like I can focus, while he sitting there right next to me being all calm and handsome at the same time.  
My pen just stops, and I stare at him.

  
From the tip of his hair that falls covering his frontal bone, His hair looks so soft and a little bit long yet still looks neat.   
Covering both his eyebrow.  
His long eyelash that compliments his brown iris.  
The lens of his eye that can focus on something.  
And when he stares at you, you'll feel like he can see inside your soul  
The shape of his eye is sharp yet soft at the same time.  
His ear.  
It Helix, AntiHelix, Tragus, and Anti Tragus that build his ears.  
Making it look perfect and without a flow.   
The bridge of his pointy nose that is perfectly shaped.  
His cheeks that build from the _Arcus Zygomaticus_ combine with his Maxillaris Bone.  
Made his cheeks looks sharp.  
My eyes going down and capture his lips.  
Who I just kiss this morning.  
A pinkish colored pair of lips that complete his perfect handsome face.  
And if you add all that, It becomes the face of Hwang Minhyun.  
Not to mention his long neck with muscle that also toned.  
Probably because he's been stretching his neck a lot?  
I don't know.  
What I do know is, how I can see his _Cartilago Thyroidea, his Sternocleidomastoideus muscle, and his Thyroid gland_ clearly.  
It makes me just gulping my own saliva.  
Even his neck, is perfectly sexy.

I turn my face away before he notices me staring and not finishing my task.

So I use my last brain cells that still have their function and write what it needs to complete today patient medical record.

“You’re done?”

I nod, answering his question.  
He stands up from his chair and leaving the nurse station and bring his belonging with him.

“Don’t you want to come home?”

“I do, but you can go first”

“Fine. As long as you’re not going to end up in front of my door tonight, do whatever you want.  
I’ll email you the task we need to hand in tomorrow, and you better send your part before 10 pm.”

I just nod.  
No use of me fighting him.  
My position didn’t affect him at all.  
He continues his walk home, turning his back on me, and just like that his figure disappear from my eyesight.

Today, I feel my first real heartbreak.  
Probably not from falling in love.  
But the feeling you get when you realize you made a stupid mistake and lost something that’s genuinely nice to you.

-///-

> From: **Kang Dongho** <[KDH_Kang@gmail.com](mailto:ztat27@gmail.com)>  
> Date: 9 May 2020 at 22:21  
> Subject: The thing you ask
> 
> _1 file attachement_

_\--------------------------------------------_

> From: **Hwang Minhyun** <[Hwang_Minhyun@gmail.com](mailto:ztat27@gmail.com)>  
> Date: 9 May 2020 at 22:22  
> Subject: Re:The thing you ask
> 
> You are late.
> 
> Thanks.

\----------------------------------------------

> From: **Kang Dongho** <[KDH_Kang@gmail.com](mailto:ztat27@gmail.com)>  
> Date: 9 May 2020 at 22:24  
> Subject: Re: The thing you ask
> 
> I'm sorry. I tried.

\----------------------------------------------

_I do really try Hwang Minhyun._

_And I do really felt sorry._   
  


\---------------------------------------------

> From: **Hwang Minhyun** <[Hwang_Minhyun@gmail.com](mailto:ztat27@gmail.com)>  
> Date: 9 May 2020 at 22:30  
> Subject: Re:The thing you ask
> 
> Go home if you're not home yet.  
> Eat If you haven't.  
> See you tomorow. :)  
> Have a good rest.  
> Good night.

\----------------------------------------------

  
I close my laptop after seeing his last e-mail.  
Before crashing my body and buried myself on my comfortable bed.  
  
Hwang Minhyun, What kind of a person are you?  
One time you're nice, the next time you just act like you don't care.  
And just now, you ask me if I'm home yet.  
I don't know Minhyun-ah if this big house is a home.  
  


I don't have the appetite to eat, when your cooking tastes the best.

Hwang Minhyun, how can you take down a wall I've build all my life,  
The wall that has been protecting me from feelings feeling.  
  
I tried to close my eyes.

And sleep my confusion away.

Good night too, Hwang Minhyun.


	8. Perfectly Curved Pilthrum

_Hwang Minhyun POV_

He didn't catch me.

When I leave him behind alone at the nurse station.

I even ask him if He's going to go home or not.

But no.

What am I even thinking?

Expect him to be nice to me when I'm the one who suggest to forget about what's happen last night and this morning.

As a human who is told to not have an emotional connection to keep everything professional, I think I messed up a bit.

I excel that one test we need to tell a bad news to a patient.

In my case, It was a mother who have been failing to have a baby. When She finally pregnant with one, and already in to the second semester of her pregnancy.

Malignancy of Mammae Cancer was diagnosed. She need to undergo the total histerectomy which is basically cut off all her breast. And to do that, She needa to terminate her pregnancy.

I can calmly tell the bad news.

Seeing her cry on her husband shoulder is heartbreaking for most people.

But ever since the lost of my parents.

I just too used to lock my feelings away.

But this Dongho guy come into my life and mess up all of it.

Not to mention the kiss.

My first ever kiss was stolen by a guy, who probably still half drunk, and probably doesn't have any feelings behind it.

I know I probably just saying thing contradictionally right now.

But, I still believe in love.

And I want to make sure all this love giving gesture is done by someone who I love and love me back.

Not some kind of drunk guy who I've known for 2 days?

But why I expect him to follow me or stop me?

I keep questioning myself until i reach my doorstep.

Seeing his car still parked near my rented room.

And before I enter my room, I saw him entering his car.

I quickly rush into my room and peeking from my window.

And wait for his car to move.

5 minutes..

10 minutes..

15 minutes..

What is he doing?

I was about to go outside and check on him.

Before some guy entering his car.

Who's that guy?

I never see him before.

But what I can see is, a happy smiley guy entering his car.

As he start the engine and drive the car away.

I felt my heart crushed.

I though because of his nature being an asshole, he doesn't have any friend.

And I probably can be his first friend.

Seeing how happy he was eating a simple lunch in my house.

I took a sit on the table where we share the meal together.

Being alone for so many year,

I now realize, 

That

I am lonely.

* * *

And it happen again.

I just send an email which isn't neccesary.

It was 22.45

And he didn't reply to my email.

I probably should give up, shouldn't I?

I should just go to sleep and forget everything like what I said before.  
Pretend nothing happen.  
And just move on.

  
He's not the guy to fall into.  
He was dangerous.  
All I'll get probably just unpleasant feelings.  
I printed out our todays report and lay on my bed.  
Hoping that sleeping can delete all my memory.  
At least for a short while.

* * *

The next few days happen in a blink of an eye.  
Everyday having each task and hectic moment. Draining all the energy I have, and not giving my heart a chance to drown into how attractive looking is Kang Dongho is.

I remember a sentence from a book I read once before. You can’t control who your heart going to choose.  
You will not know when, where, who, how.  
You just know , You did.  
And I think I did.

No matter how hard to deal with him.  
And all his ignorance.  
The more time I spent beside him, working side to side.  
Forcing him to do stuff he didn’t want to.  
I still find him attractive in his own way.

At how skillful his hand look when he check the patient.  
Doing the percussiom technique wonderfully.  
When his finger tapping patient abdomen.  
Finding where the intestime and liver border.  
I though he just a big headed high class act majestic type of person.  
But he really is skillful.

At the end of the week when we need to hand in our weekly report.  
I found an anomaly in one of our patient.  
And I just ask Dongho casually.

“Dongho, Can you check this? Isn’t this weird? The proper medication for this patient is suppose to be MTX chemo right?”

“Hmm? If you read the record correctly, He already done with his MTX last year. And his Ca-Marker Level is high, which mean he need the second-line drug choice.”

“Where did you learn this?”

“None of your bussiness?”  
He answer with a cold hurtful  
tone.  
Not the tone he use when he talk to me fully drunk that night.  
Or the tone he use when he take the aspirin i gave him.  
And that’s trigger me to blow up.

All the tension that has been build this past few days.  
Just burst out surprisingly from my eyes in the form of tears.  
And as much as it surprise me, Dongho seem more surprise.

“I can’t deal with you anymore, Kang”  
I shove our report to his hand, and just walk towards the emergency exit, where no one will see me having a breakdown over a guy nama Kang Dongho.  
All the stress of the first week of Clinical Rotation has got into me.  
This is why so many of doctor trainee give up and just left with a medical degree but no doctor title.  
The pressure is too much.

A man shouldn’t cry.   
Even I, myself didn’t remember the last time I cry.  
But I just need to let this suffocating feeling out.

“Minhyun”

I heard a voice I didn’t want to hear the most calling my name.  
And I just walk away from the one producing that voice.  
Going down the stairs before finally get push into the wall.  
I can’t even lift my head up.  
Just looking down at the floor and hope Dongho let me just go.

He grab both of my coat collar and shake me.  
Even tho he is shorter, his power still bigger than mine.  
Probably because his toned Deltoid and Biceps Muscle , I twice witness.

“What the hell do you want Hwang Minhyun?! I try so hard to act like nothing happen. You don’t even know!! And now You cry in front of me and say you can’t deal with me?  
I’m the one who supposed to say that!!”

I was stunned, and can’t think of anything.  
not a word.

As tears still stream down my face.  
I felt his hand try to lift my face so Now I face his face.  
He is shorter and yet his presence dominating me right now. 

“You are very annoying. Out of all people I’ve met.”

“Not like that guy, you go home with the other day?”

I finally ask him.  
The thing that bothers me these few days.

“Who? Jonghyun? That guy only being friendly with me because his Dad is the Head of ER Room. His dad is My Dad’s friend. That’s all”

a big weight just lifted from my shoulder.

“Oh..”

“Oh? What you mean Oh?! Hwang Minhyun? Arghh fuck it!!”

He pull the stetoschope that was hanging on my neck, so my face go lower. And I lean closer and closer to him.

In a split second I can see his brown eyes, his nose,  
under that is a perfectly curved pilthrum that form a nice cupid bow.  
His plump lower lips and that nicely line upper one.  
It’s perfect.

“Don’t you dare ask me to forget this one, Hwang Minhyun”

He make another pull of my stetoschope.  
And there , for the second time.

We kiss.

Not like the first kiss we had.  
This one is gentle, and fill me with warmthness that I didn’t know Dongho had.  
This second kiss, I felt something melt inside me.   
All my longings has been lifted,  
The truth that slept deep within me came awake.  
Everything I’ve been trying so hard to deny these past few days just hit me with every movement of his lips in mine, wanting to be acknowledge.  
Every confusion I felt was transformed and enchanted into a deep kiss.  
And It that moment of a kiss.  
Everything just made sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They both big softie.  
> Don’t touch me.


	9. High on Pituitary Hormone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relieve pain.  
> relieve Stress  
> Produce a feeling of Euphoria

_Hwang Minhyun POV_

The rest of the day went by in a blink of an eye.  
His kiss sending a signal to my brain, my pituitary gland just produce a lot of endorphins, feeling euphoric, all the stress about case presentation, about the weekly task, all my worry just disappear just like that.  
With one kiss from the boy who's causing me a lot of stress this past week.  
Who is also the one who deleted it away?  
Like all my stress was never there in the first place.

How can such a settle gesture in the form of a kiss can make someone this high on euphoria?  
I understand how the hormone works, but after actually experience it, I understand why those teenagers come to the psychiatric clinic just to get their feeling out.  
Because this kind of feeling can really overwhelm someone.  
Including me.  
Can't get my mind out of it.

The taste of his lips.  
The oxygen and carbon dioxide we exchange during that kiss.  
I think his body producing some kind of pheromones and its effect is to make me produce a lot of endorphins.  
I can still smell his strong manly scent on my coat,   
if the wind blow on my coat, I can clearly smell is scent.  
The scent that now is probably my favorite kind of scent.  
More than the lavender perfume I always love to wear.  
I do think that my dopamine level is now high too.  
From all the pleasure I felt inside me.  
How my heart flutter and beat a little bit faster.  
Every time I recall the kiss we did.  
And last but not least, the oxytocin.  
The hormone that the pituitary gland produces,  
that will massively produce during child-birth but also, can produce when people having social interaction.  
It's sometimes known as the "cuddle hormone" or the "love hormone," because it is released when people snuggle up or bond socially.  
This hormone is so powerful, that can make all your neurotransmitter work faster. Including your cardiac muscle.  
And there's me.  
With a high level of those three hormones, trying to keep calm while my feelings and body going wild.

  
"Hey Minhyun, you want to go catch some lunch together?"

Dongho, face really close to mine, when he suddenly asked me to lunch, which make me startle. Pushing back my face and body, flinching.  
I can't stop my body from acting weird around him.  
Even the food tastes so bland compared to the taste of his lips.  
I'm literally out of my mind.  
Probably my mind just go far away as I didn't really eat my food.  
My eyes keep looking at his lips, which was getting plump because of all the spicy chicken he eat.  
But yet his lips still look sexy the way it is now.

Falling for someone who is a pain in the ass.  
I probably just made the biggest mistake of my whole life.

* * *

_Kang Dongho POV_

Kissing him was easy.  
That's what I thought.  
After that kiss, my mind always revolves around how bad I want to kiss him again and just keep him beside me.  
But part of me still doesn't want him to think that I already head over heels for him.  
Probably just, my pride. I don't want him to know.  
But, when people fall for someone, they did all the stupid stuff you can think of in this world right?  
That's why I ask him to lunch,   
Can't take my mind from Hwang Minhyun.  
Hwang Minhyun only.

The lunch didn't when as smooth as I imagine, as Minhyun keep staring blankly at this food.  
So I just did the most bad-boy move and just hit his leg with mine and say.

"I'm taking you to lunch so we could eat. If you don't want to, leave now. You ruining my appetite."

My words waking him up from his daydream, as he frowns.  
Not the kind of expression I want from him.  
I probably just did another mistake, when I want to get to know him a little bit better but maybe I just make things more complicated now.  
As he leaves me without a single word.

Of course, someone on their right mind is going to run after him, begging him to come back and at least finish the lunch together.  
But the "me" right now, still has conflicting feelings.  
What my father going to think if I go out publicly with a guy.  
But when people fall in love, they just did.  
Without a reason.  
When the reality of being left by Minhyun hit me again.  
He already out of my sight.

All what's left is guilt.  
Guilt of not running after him, and hold him close.  
Guilt of still thinking about me and my feeling only.  
The guilt of knowing I might hurt him again, like making him cry today is not enough.

How many times I need to experience him not talking to me, before I realize that love is to put our ego away.

  
Or probably he just playing with me.  
Like the other.  
That come and go, just like what he did just now.  
Leaving me after getting what he wants.  
In this case, probably this week assignment.

  
I am Kang Dongho.  
The son of Prof. Kang the most respected surgeon here.  
I have the power.  
If he dare to leave me here alone.  
Me too, can leave him.  
And let him know, who I am, and not letting him mess with me ever again.  
Let him know where he standing.

My pride, My heart, I need to protect it.

I'm not bad.  
I just don't want to get hurt.

And I will not go running after him.  
He's the one who is going to come to me, and kiss me this time.  
Not the other way around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long waiting before update.  
> I was stuck writing smut on my other AU hahahhahahah


	10. Night Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't belong here.  
> Yet, I belong here.

* * *

It was my first ever night shift  
Wearing the night shift uniform which is a grey shirt with grey pants.  
It looks boring but it's comfortable, you can move freely wearing in.  
I pack all my necessity, stethoscope, pulse oximetry, thermometer, and my automatic blood pressure monitor.  
Not forgetting to bring along a set of clothes for tomorrow morning.  
because I will not have time to go back home and take a bath since the shift ended right before the morning rotation start.  
I guess I'm not lucky for my first night shift, since it's on Sunday night.

And what's makes me don't want to come is the fact that my partner is Dongho.  
I probably overreacting that afternoon.  
Leaving him alone like that.  
I expect him to stop me and apologize. But he didn't.  
Not even over a text.  
He is Kang Dongho, the almighty pure-blood.  
And who am I?  
No one.  
I just someone who tries to become a doctor, work my ass off. I don't have anything to offer.  
That kiss, that night at my house, probably happens because we're shock.  
Because of the sudden change of our daily routine. From going to class to learn out of the presentation to handling real patients and take care of them.  
Learn how the hospital works, the lot of paper works, and still need to finish the weekly report.

As I arrive at the Emergency Room, I was assigned in the surgery triage, I never know before that Emergency room have their own section.  
Across the surgery one, there is a pediatric area, all the kids who need emergency help went straight to there.  
There is a resuscitate emergency room, with the Blue label on every bed.  
Which means, the patient with emergency support went straight there.  
Cardiac arrest, respiratory failure, loss of consciousness.

And here I am sitting, waiting if there's any patient tonight.  
Haven't seen Dongho anywhere, he probably will not come.  
As practician, our duty is to help the residents and the specialist to take care of the patient.  
If I'm lucky, they'll give me simple skin stitching.

* * *

11 p.m.  
No sign of Dongho  
But I didn't really care.  
I was able to take care of a few patients.  
Few stitches, doing drug injection, I was quite happy.  
It's not as tiring as people say, probably because I enjoy everything about the concept of taking care of someone.  
That's before the clock hit 1 a.m.  
And a sudden rush from the ER room door with a patient with IV already put in and oxygen already on his nose.

45 years-old truck driver, was tired and lose his focus.  
Hit another truck.  
Lose consciousness right there.

"Minhyun, come, it's our patient."

One of the residents who in charge that night asked me to join him in the resuscitate room.  
The feels inside is different, a bit colder, and the atmosphere there is chilling.

"CODE BLUE!"

{An emergency situation announced in a hospital or institution in which a patient is in cardiopulmonary arrest, requiring a team of providers (sometimes called a 'code team') to rush to the specific location and begin immediate resuscitative efforts.}

The resident who is in charge of the room shout. Pushing a button to send a signal of Code Blue.  
It happen so fast.  
The oxygen mask was put on the patient face, all the cable was put into its place so we can monitor the vital sign of the patient.  
The resident quickly do the CPR on to the patient.  
Everything happens in a blink of an eye.

"Minhyun, inject the adrenaline now!"

I quickly grab the adrenaline and the syringe, injecting it into the IV line.

"We got a heartbeat. Minhyun check the SpO2"

My hand quickly grab my oximetry and put it on the patient thumb.

"75%"

"Raise the oxygen to 10 liter! Help me do the CPR right after."

We did, We try, Everything.

Around an hour.  
Until there's no sign of life again.  
Too much blood loss, and probably there's an intracranial hemorrhage that causes the patient didn't react anymore to the drug and everything we did.

My first time, facing life and death situation.  
I didn't like every second of it.  
We can't save him.  
I see his wife crying after the doctor in charge of the ER room telling her the news.

I was reminded of that time. When my father left me.  
My mom crying holding me.  
I felt a clinch inside my chest. It still hurt after all these years.  
Losing someone.  
I was mentally and physically exhausted after that long process.

3.30 am.

I'm walking back to the surgery corner of the ER room.  
That's when I saw him.  
Kang Dongho, with casual clothing, laughing with one of the residents.  
I never knew he can laugh like that.  
Without a single guilt in it.

That's when again, I realize.  
He is different from him, he can do anything he wants without people judging him  
He has the control.  
He can come whenever he wants.  
And I am a fool for falling to someone like that.  
Who will never take me seriously.  
Just like today. Coming just now, without any guilt.

He look at me.  
And I turn my face away.  
Walking past him.

"Hey Minhyun."  
He called me.

But I just keep walking.  
Entering the toilet.  
Not now Kang Dongho.  
Not after what just happen.  
I don't want to face you.

I wash my face, trying to calm myself down.  
And there, inside the reflection of the mirror in front of me.  
The reflection of Kang Dongho.  
With all his might.

"Stop ignoring me."

I turn my body and give him a glare.  
I want to scream at his face, about everything that's wrong about him.  
But instead, I crash my body to his.  
Resting my head on his shoulder, as I again let my tears stream down.

"Hey, Hey there Hwang, What is this?"

"Shut up for once, and let me stay like this for a little while, I'll forgive you for showing up really late."

"hahaha, you're funny, I'm not even sorry. I don't really want to do the night shift, but my dad forces me to come."

"Okay then, please let me stay like this for a little while."

I put my arms around his back, trying to find comfort, in a place where I don't belong.  
I will never belong in his embrace.  
Because we are different.  
But for tonight, I really want to be selfish.

"Have you ever help a 'code blue' patient before?"  
I asked him.

"Not really. I've seen a lot of it."

"oh.. it's scary, I don't like it." I buried my head deeper in his neck.  
Inhaling his manly scent that calms me down.  
I am angry at him because he is late.  
I am angry at him for not having any guilt.  
But he always turn me into this stupid person I didn't know is there inside me.   
Who needs his embrace to stay calm.

"You're really a one confusing fellow, Hwang Minhyun. I don't really want to admit it, but seeing you like this, you're really cute.  
Even my ego can't hold me down right now."

He hugged me back.

"There, there. Now, I feel sorry for not showing up."

"You better be."

"Hey Hwang Minhyun, I know a toilet is not a romantic place to ask you this. But, would you let me understand you better?"

"You're confusing"

"Hehehe, You too to be honest. I don't really want to come today because I need to face you. Last Friday lunch was a disaster. And my ego taking control of me. You know, people might not accept us, but I can't lie, all I think about is you. When you walk past me just now, It hurt you know. So you better let me understand you better from now on."

I fall in love with someone I shouldn't.  
Someone who is different from me.  
Someone who has everything for him.  
But inside his embrace, everything felt so right.


	11. The Day After

After an almost sleepless night.  
It's time for the morning shift to begin.  
Yes, GP practician didn't get a day off after their night shift.  
I need to be ready for the round visit of the patient in the morning right after the night shift ends.  
With only a 30 minutes break, we need to take a bath and get ready.

I didn't trust the staff bathroom, since I didn't know how infectious people who take a bath there.  
So with 30 minutes that I have, I walk back to my rented room and take a quick shower and rushing back to the hospital.

It took me by surprise to see Dongho was already there.   
At the meeting point before the round visit.  
Looking sharp.  
And.  
Hot.

He disappear an hour before the shift end, nobody stopping him since, he was the professor's son.  
He offers me to sleep in the staff bedroom, but I just refuse since I didn't want to look like I take advantage of him. Instead, when there are no more patients for the night, he drags me to the emergency procedure room.

"No one will find us here." He said.  
We both sit on the emergency surgery bed.  
He hold my hand and patting his shoulder, telling me to put my head there.

"Sleep here."

And I did. After I put my head on his shoulder.  
As soon as I did that, he let go of my hand and start to caress my hair. Giving it a gentle stroke.  
And put his cheeks on top of my head.  
It feels so comfortable.  
It feels right.  
It feels like an organ that adjusting perfectly after a donor operation.  
No rejection reaction.  
My body accepting every little gesture Dongho did to me.  
As I slowly drifting to the dreamland.  
The last thing I feel is his hand move from caressing my hair to hugging my hips.  
Which I didn't mind.

He wakes me up when he wants to go back home. Offering me a ride back home too.   
Since he has the privilege to do whatever he wants, I just refuse and decide to stay until the night shift is over.

"So Hwang can be late too?"

"Shut up. I'm not late. You're just earlier than usual."

And the day went by just like that.  
My body feels so tired since the lack of sleep I get from the night shift.  
I just want to crash into my bed and sleep until tomorrow morning, but Kang Dongho have another idea.

"Come on, Minhyun. Let's go watch this movie."

"I would gladly accept if I didn't have a night shift yesterday. I just want to sleep"

"But you did sleep last night." He pouted and patting his shoulder.  
"Don't you remember, Minhyun?"

"I do remember, but still only 2 hours sleep. I'm tired, and it would be a waste If I went to the movie and just sleep for the entire movie, right?"

"I'll pay, just accompany me to watch it."

"Listen here, baby. I would love to go to the movie with you. But not today. I just need my sleep."

"Did you just call me baby?"  
He seems excited and his pupil literally when a millimeter bigger. 

"Yes. So please let me sleep today."

"Let me take you home then."

"No need, It's really close."

"Can you just say yes to me once?"

"Fine fine, as long as you're not going to bother me while I sleep."

"Do you have the ability to read minds Hwang Minhyun?"

"I can see it all over your face. You can come to my room, but promise me to let me sleep. Let's have dinner together."

* * *

I knew it.   
Since the exact moment, I let this man into my rented room.  
He'll be really clingy.  
Won't let go of my body even when I lay down on my bed and try to sleep.  
At least he is willing to clean himself first before joining me on the bed.  
Even after using my soap, his manly scent still felt really strong.

"Sleep Well, Minhyun"

"Hmm"  
I reply with just a small noise, because I felt really really sleepy and tired.  
Morning shift-Night shift-Morning shift, the combo just take every single drop of my Adenosine triphosphate.  
I don't mind him hugging me, spooning me, kissing the top of my head.  
I don't mind anything he do to me while I was just trying to sleep.  
I just let Dongho do whatever he want and slowly drifting to sleep.  
Since his touch feels so gentle and calming.

* * *

Did you know?  
When you're really tired, usually you will not get any form of dream?  
Because your brain it's too tired to function.  
But I guess I'm not that tired.  
Since I got a dream.  
About rainbow and sunny day.  
About the smell of fresh cutter grass and blue sky.  
About him.  
His smile and his existence.  
Just like your brain stem. You can't see it, but he is the core of your existence.   
Without it, it means you're dead.  
And just like him.  
Now start to become the core of my life.  
But, regardless of how nice my dream is, I want to wake up.  
Because in this dream, everything is just my brain making up some scenes.  
Because it was not real.  
Because I know, My reality is better than this dream.  
Since, I have the real him.  
You know your heart find the perfect someone, when your reality is better than your dream.  
So, I open my eyes and wake up from my beautiful dream.  
To find the most beautiful things I've ever seen.  
Kang Dongho.


	12. Different Side of Him

_Hwang Minhyun's POV_

When I thought that two months will feel like forever, with all the stuff I need to do every day, It came to an end in a blink of an eye.  
I feel like my first day of clinical rotation is yesterday, yet now I'm preparing for the Objective Structural Clinical Examination (OSCE) and the final writing test for the surgery department.  
I've gained enough skill and new knowledge about a lot of stuff.  
How to take care of the patient.  
How to do a nice simple interrupted knot for the skin.  
And also a couple of stuff about hospital regulation, thanks to Kang Dongho.  
Because of his habit to complain about almost everything, A lot of things I learn from that non-stop-rambling mouth of him.

I'm not complaining about him, but sometimes I feel like being partnered up with him is either a blessing or a curse.  
It depends on the circumstances we are in.  
About task checking and case presentation,  
with his name on the cover, everything went easy.  
No revision, No consultant getting angry at us because we can't answer the question.  
They just simply explain everything when we didn't know the answer.  
Not like the other, that gets scolded, and if they're not lucky, the paper they need to present just get thrown at them just because it didn't meet the standard of the consultant or professor. 

But when it comes to night shift or morning walk around, being stuck with Dongho is a curse.  
He comes late, or even just skip his night shift.  
It took me a couple days before mastering the art of sleeping anywhere, anytime, at any position, which is the skill that I really need to survive.  
On a good day, Dongho will come and we will sneak in the ER procedure room and he lends me his shoulder to sleep in.  
But most of the time, I need to sleep in a sitting position because if I didn't do that, I will not get any sleep at all.

About me and Dongho, even if I didn't want to admit it, his existence just become a part of my daily life now.  
I can't deny that my feelings towards him just getting stronger the more time I spent with him.  
Learning his habit and how he act about certain things, especially food.  
He was very amusing to look at when it comes to eating.  
Despite his muscular body, he can change into a fluff ball the moment we talk about food.  
Watching every movement that he made is very amusing for me.  
All and all, being around him somehow just makes my heart flutter and my mood a little bit brighter.

But today is a little bit different, since I need to prepare for the test, I don't want any disturbance even from the one I like.  
Because I am a lone soldier when it comes to studying.  
Even the slightest sound can break my concentration.

And when I finally sit comfortably in front of my desk, reading the material that will be out for the test.  
I hear a knock on my door, and of course,  
Kang Dongho will be the one who interrupts my study session.

///

_Kang Dongho's POV_

Frustrated.  
That's how I feel right now, knowing that none of my dad power will affect any result of my test is frustrating.  
The skill test is fine, My Dad already talk to his colleague but as for the writing test, He is the one who will score it.  
So, I need to really pass the writing test.

I remember before med school I always ace the test and can do a long full concentration study until high school.  
But after being rebellious, I don't have the ability to keep my concentration for a long time.  
I blame all the alcohol and his effect on my brain that makes me end up like this.  
It thanks to Minhyun that always drags me to his room these past two months when I try to go to the bar, I haven't drink much.  
But that didn't help with me not being able to concentrate on studying.  
Usually I can go to Minhyun's house and just listen to him studying, because I can learn faster by listening. But, for this final test, he specifically sent me a text to not come and bother him tonight.

And it pissed me off.  
He usually the one who drags me to study, but now he didn't want to be bothered.  
But that text not going to stop me from knocking at his door and force him to study with me, just like what I did now.  
Knocking at his door.

"Why are you here?"

"Please help me with the study."

"Sorry I can't, it's the final and I really need to concentrate, Usually I'm cool with teaching you, but for the final, I want to really have my own time to study."

"But I can't concentrate, Minhyun-ah. I lose my ability to study."

"Well, that's your problem, you're going to pass anyway right? It's your dad department, why bother studying?"

"Because I want to."

My answer startled Minhyun for a bit, and I use that moment to barge into his room.  
Seeing books and papers here and there, it's really messy for someone like Minhyun.  
I guess he really did want to study on his own.  
I look at Minhyun who still standing near the door.  
He looks pale, It looks like I'm seeing a version of Minhyun who I never knew existed before.

"Dongho, I'm sorry, I can't help you with the final test. I really need to study alone."

"You look sick, and look at all this paper around the room Minhyun. It looks like this test driving you crazy. This is not healthy. How many days you've been locking yourself up inside this room?"

"It's not something you need to worry about. I'm 100% fine."

"I never seen you acting like this, Minhyun. Usually, You're the one who really concern about me. But right now, I feel like you need my help and get some fresh air. Out from this messy room."

"But, I need to study..."

"Study is important, But taking care of yourself is more important. Did you take a shower today?"

He shake his head.

"Go take a shower dude!! You really didn't act like the Minhyun I know."

I take his hand and slowly walk him to the bathroom. Pushing him in, and close the door.

"Take a bath, wash yourself, freshen up a little bit."

I walk to Minhyun's study area and start to pick up the papers on the floor.  
Before I came here, I feel really frustrated about can't study without Minhyun help. But right now, I feel more frustrated seeing Minhyun condition.  
Is he even properly eating?

I guess I was too ignorant to notice that he didn't text me like he used to for the past two months, making sure I study or just send me a random chat in general.  
I know even if we haven't really made our relationship official, He always makes sure that I'm doing okay.  
But on the other hand, I really think about myself.  
About my final.  
About finding a way to pass the final.  
Without even thinking about how Minhyun doing.  
The Surgery test is well-known as the hardest test amongst all the department of Clinical Rotation.  
Of course, he will feel a little bit pressured. He is expected to do the best.

Say, Minhyun-ah? How long have you been fighting alone?  
It must be hard right?  
As I put all the papers on top of the desk, I promise to myself, to be with Minhyun side, so whenever he forgets to take care of himself or when he starts to fighting alone, I'll remind him, that I'm here for him too.


	13. Cheese Burger

**Kang Dongho's POV**

"So, Minhyun, have you always been like this around test time?"

"I don't know"

Minhyun looks a little bit better after taking a quick shower.  
His dark eye bag still there, but he looks to freshen up a little bit.

"Have you eat anything for dinner yet?"

"I don't think I have... I eat something this morning..."

"W-what?! Are you serious Minhyun?"

He nodded his head, and my response is immediately to grab him and take him to my car.   
Minhyun tries to fight back but he didn't have enough energy to make me let go of my grip.  
I lead him to go inside my car and go to the driver seat.  
I adjust my seat and put on my seatbelt, and when I check on Minhyun, he just sits there, his eyes just blank stare to the distance.

"Put on your seatbelt dude. You really need to eat something. Gosh, why are you acting like this?"

I put the seatbelt for him, and just start driving.

"Where do you want to eat?"

I tried to ask, but no answer comes from Minhyun.  
Trying to keep my focus on the road without getting distracted about Minhyun's condition is hard.  
So, I use one of my hands to grab his hand, hold it tightly, scared that he might fall sick because he is not eating.

"Please say something, Minhyun-ah. Don't drive me crazy. I'm driving right now, but you know don't make me crazy."

I just drive to Mcdonalds drive-thru, order some food, and just drive to the nearest park.  
I open the package and just give hand it to Minhyun.

"Eat"

" I don't eat fast food..." he said weakly.

Shoot. I forget that Minhyun didn't eat fast food. 

"You didn't answer me what things you want to eat, I'm sorry. But please just eat a little, we can buy another food after you eat a little bit."

He nodded, looking at the cheeseburger I hand him. Taking a small bite and it took me by surprise that Minhyun cries after that first bite.

"Hey, Minhyun-ah why are you crying? You really can't eat fast food? I'm sorry, let's go buy something else. What do you want? Soup? Rice? Anything? Say it, and We can go there."

He shakes his head. He continues to eat the burger and sometimes taking the fries from my hand. But he keeps on crying too.  
I didn't ask for further information about why he keeps on crying, for me what's important for now is him eating his food.  
I also take a burger out and eat it. 

After finishing his meal. He sips the cola that comes with the burger set before he took a deep breath and start to talk.

"You know, the reason I avoid junk food is because my Dad used to buy me some when it's his payday. It was a really nice memory, I guess I'm just afraid to let out the feeling of missing him, missing the past.   
Because of all these years, I manage to survive on my own. But I guess humans can't lives without it memories, since it's the thing that makes you who you are, right?  
Sometimes, I'm too used to living alone, but now that you are somehow being a part of my life, it makes me a little bit...  
um..  
can feels feeling again?  
I can feel lonely when I don't spend a little bit of my day with you.  
I lost myself in those books and material that I need to study,   
without you banging my door tonight, I might get lost further.  
But you come and find me.  
And for that, my heart feels warm. And I kinda like this feeling."

He turns his face to face mine and giving me the softest smile with the softest facial expression I ever see.  
Then he buried his head on my shoulder, hugging my hand with both of his hands.

"Thank you, Dongho"

"hmm..no big deal.."

So then, we spent the night with me driving around town with Minhyun hugging my arms.  
Driving with one hand all night long, looking at city lights, just driving without any destination.  
I wish time just stops, so we can go around and around without worrying about something bad that might happen.  
About the final test that will come soon.  
All I know is I'm with Minhyun, and he is safe and not alone.

When it hits midnight, I decide to drive Minhyun home.  
But when we arrive, he refuses to let go of my hand.

"Can you stay the night?" he asked me with starry eyes.

"I don't bring any spare clothes..."

"You can wear mine..."

"You sure?"

"I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Well, umm..."

Before I can give my answer to him, he pulls me close and give me a soft kiss.  
Like putting a spell on me or something.  
I just let out a sight.

"You didn't need to do that.  
Anything for Hwang Minhyun tonight."


	14. Pheromones

_**Dongho's POV** _

When I agree to stay the night with Minhyun.  
I didn't expect to be in this situation.  
Half naked on top of Hwang Minhyun, who's lying without a single fabric covering his body.  
Pleads to be touch and demand all my attention.

"I never done it before..."

I'm startled by his confession.  
Is he going to let me become his first?

"You sure you want to do it with me?"

He nodded.

"Do you have the necessities for doing it then?  
We both learn about this and even get a lesson about how dangerous it is to have anal sex.  
Not even man with woman."

"I don't have one for sex, the one they sell in the store, but I have lubricant gel we use to train how to do vaginal toucher or rectal toucher."

"That'll do. It has the same ingredients anyway..."

So, he handed me the tube of leftover lubricant gel, spread it on my middle finger.  
Just like we do to patients.

"So, Mr. Hwang, I will now begin the rectal touche."

I try to tease him a little bit.   
For making me in this kind of situation,  
I was actually thinking to take it slow with Minhyun.  
But maybe because he's been feeling really stress and lonely this past few days,  
He just suddenly act bravely and we ended up like this.

"Eh?"

I slid my finger in.  
A surprised gasp comes out from him.

"Mr. Hwang, your Musculus Sphincter Anii was so tight. and also.."

I push my finger deeper, identifying the place I know has a lot of nerve branches.   
Minhyun body jolt when I found that perfect spot.

"Your prostate is at normal state.."

I lean forward and kiss Minhyun deeply.

"Babe, I don't think we can do it all the way today, base on my examination... Your muscle still too tight... Instead, I'll do something else.."

"But I want to do it, I'm ready.."

"Now, Now, Minhyun, I don't want you to get hurt..."  
  
I spin around my finger that still roaming inside Minhyun.

"I'm yours for tonight, Baekho..."

"Hmm.. Okay then.."

I smile, and look at the state Minhyun in.  
His gaze is dreamy.

What a wonderful view.

So, I did what I can.  
Until we both reach our climax.  
I didn't do it all the way, since I don't think Minhyun is ready for it.  
But after reaching the climax, he passed out.  
Maybe tired from everything that happens.  
Giving him a gentle kiss before cleaning the mess we made.  
And hug him before falling asleep.

\---

**_Minhyun's POV_ **

I open my eyes slowly, feeling tired but yet really light.  
It took me a few seconds before realizing that I am in fact sleeping naked, in the arm of Kang Dongho.  
Feeling his slow and warm breath on top of my head, and also his heartbeat that I can feel since my face was basically buried on his chest.

"Ugh"

Dongho let out a small noise, as he tightening his hug.  
And I was skin to skin to Dongho body, as I inhale and his manly scent hit my nose.  
You know a human can produce a specific scent, especially in the morning when they wake up.  
The human gland can produce secrete that contain pheromones, and when it was inhaled through our nose it'll directly sent to our brain.  
If the brain sending a positive signal the response of our body is a sexual tension.  
And just like that, I feel so attracted to Dongho scent, it was manly, but sweet at the same time.   
It has the same strong scent as the scent of the wind blow after the first few minutes of rain.

Petrichor.

Without even realizing it, I keep inhaling and smelling, taking in all Dongho 'pheromones'.  
I know I like things that smells nice, but such a strong manly scent, I don't know why it attracts me so much. 

"Ugh, Minhyun your nose, it tickles me too much"

"Sorry..."

"Hmm.."

"We need to wake up Dongho.."

"5 more minutes..."

"I need to wake up then.."

"No, I still want to cuddle... If you go the bed will be cold..."

"But..."

"No but.. at least let me rest for a little more, gosh last night was tiring..."

Then, I snapped.  
Remembering the stuff we did last night.  
Dongho sure have experience, at how gentle and nice his touch is.  
And also..  
also his...  
big...

ARGH.

I press my whole face into Dongho chest.  
Letting my nose inhaling every last bit of Dongho smell.

"Minhyun-ah, I told you it tickles...  
umm...  
I see someone getting a little excited in the morning..."

"Ugh NO!"

"But your junior told me a different thing...  
He is really getting excited down there.."

Dongho lift up my face to meet his.  
His dazzling light brown eyes, his raspy morning voice, and also again his manly scent.  
It was rather too much for me to take in the morning.  
Dongho lift my face more and give my lips a little peck.  
Caressing my cheeks and looking directly to my eyes.  
With such a warm gaze that I never receive from someone.

"Round two?"

And I nodded shyly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY FOR IT TAKES ME TOO LONG TO UPDATE UE


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